Self-Help

We only have one life to live. I have been driven by dreams, my own mind during deep sleeps giving me subtle hints that life needs to get better, that I need to get these parts handled. Since I was 16 I have been improving my life, constantly finding flaws and working on improving them. My ability with women, there were DVDs for that; My body, there were DVDs for that. I'm in the best shape of my life. I think I have been bitten by some kind of bug, I do these insanity work outs, sweat it out, and want more, I want it all hit at me, the challenge I need, life is like one big video game. You do your best when you play the game, but what happens? You cap out, you can't go further up to a point. Why play a video game when you can play life? Make yourself the best person you could possibly be. Where some games take up all your time, why can't you do all that working on yourself? There is no level cap, no level 80, no cap 500 skill in whatever the hell you want. In life the sky is the limit, in fact, it goes above the sky, into the vast galaxy. I believe it's impossible to ever be the best at something, mankind has been doing things better and faster since the ego was invented. When you think someone can run a 100 yard dash in the fastest time you've ever heard of, someone comes along and beats that score. And in the future there will always be someone to come along and beat that score. I'm not going to just settle for being another loser. I want to make my mark on the world. I want to do my best and excel. I don't think of getting UP TO a certain point. I think of going far beyond, as far as I can. You think you can do 20 pushups? you can do 30, 50, 200 without taking a break. It's all willpower and determination. I have been dieting. Seeing 2 - 3 workout DVDs a day when I'm only supposed to do one. The feeling of sweating, the energy, the endorphines and testosterone surging through your body, its invigorating. It's addicting. I can't wait to have a great body. Something I can be confident about. I really think anyone could do anything, a 500 lb person, if they apply themselves, could end up a model with a 6 pack. If you really want something hard enough it will be yours, NOTHING can stand in your way. There's no cap, no limitations on anything. I feel the fire and I am going full force.

Random Self-Help Notes

Thanks David!

Big picture.

1. Accept everything the way it is. Don't act like a victim. Accept
it. Confront reality.

2. Take responsibility. Make things happen. Be responsible for your
thoughts. Especially during times when it's easy to blame others.

3. Go to work on yourself. Not on women. You can't change others. You
can change yourself. If things don't go your way. Don't change other
people.

4. Evict your inner wussy. Show up and kick it out. Don't get the
secondary emotional payoff. Complaining about things and getting
attention. The mild superiority for a short time. Get rid of it.

5. Build a powerful capable self image that you love. Strong. Decision
making. Respectful.

6. Move your frame of reference inside. Have your own thoughts. Don't
take cues from others. Have an inner locus of control. Make sure
everyone else is on the same page as opposed to making sure you are.

7. Stop making identity meaning out if external events. Keep your self
image strong. Don't take what people think of you to heart. It's not
about you. If they disapprove of you. That's them.

8. Eliminate failure by learning from it. Failure is an INVENTED
concept. Don't attach meaning to failure. Stop. Look at the experience
you "failed" at. And compare it with the price you paid for the
knowledge you gained. The lesson you learned is always a bargain.

9.compare your progress and success to yourself. Not to others. We all
want to be winners. 2 types of winning. Getting what you want. And the
other is beating someone else. If you spend your life trying to beat
other people. You won't get what you want. Run your own race.

10. Evolve constantly and consciously. Always seek the next level and
paradigm. You cannot evolve your lifespan. You can evolve all you want
until you die. Always seek personal evolution.

11. See yourself as "high status". High social standing. Walk into a
room. Expect to be a high status person. Not that you are better than
other people. But just the way you walk through the world. A mature
man. Deal with inner and putter conflict. Help other people work
together in teams to get what you all want. Controls emotions.

12. Stop appologizing. Many acceptions to this rule. Use maturely if
you really mess up. Don't appologize for who you are or if someone
doesn't like who you are. Don't appologize for approval.

13. Stop seeking approval. You have your own permission to do things.
Don't do things for the acceptance of others. This is especially true
to women. Don't be emotionally clingy or wear out your welcome. Don't
be needy.

14. Stop giving approval to get it. NEVER tell a woman she can do no
wrong. It's manipulative. Don't think that because you were nice to a
woman and she doesn't like you that you can say well she doesn't
deserve me. Liars commuting suicide.

15. Stop trading status for approval. No woman will take this deal.
Don't give a woman whatever she wants and whatever you have for her
approval and love. It's counter productive. The more you give the
worse it gets.

16. Untangle past, present, and future. Physical, logical, and
emotional. Short, medium, and Long term gratification. Fear of
something and the actual event. As well as other non-useful
combinations. Don't live the same day every day. Don't live in the
past. It doesn't exist anymore. Don't live afraid of the future or
focus on anything that prevents you from your goal. Don't argue with
someone amped on some emotion. What will you accomplish if you are
hyped up on emotion? Whatever relationship you are in it will get
worse. No logic. Avoid instant gratification. Pleasure of eating good
fattening food. Medium gratification is 6 to 10 hours after. Long term
gratification is a day later to your life. Spend 60 seconds before you
eat something to think of the long term and medium gratification.
Humans are horrible at knowing how they are going to feel. Fear and
desire. Don't waste energy fearing or desiring something soon to happen.

17. Surround yourself with success models. In person and in media.
Groups to achieve goals. Surround yourself with help. Don't talk about
and do counter productive things. Such as video games. If it's not
something you are interested in. You shouldn't be doing it.

18. Know your purpose or path in life. And stay on it. Man who chases
2 rabbits catches none. Pick ONE path. Lock yourself in a room with a
blank peice of paper and figure it out. It may take you a week or a
year. Do it. Don't pick someone elses. It makes you 100% more
attractive.

19. Travel. Regularly get outside your bubble. Different cities.
Different states. Even countries. Expand your mind. Veiw people living
differently. The more you see the more you learn, the more you evolve.
The more interesting of a person you are. The more attractive you
become.

Principles. Rules of thumb.

20. Every day find your center. Get in touch with your self image.
Your purpose. Become the center. Make yourself who you want to be.
Notice the reality around you.

21. Focus on the core skills and your inner game. The techniques will
take care of themselves. There is no magic pills. Know principles. Not
pick up lines.

22. Accept and embrace transition anxiety / vulnerability when you
take on something new. Look at it through a beginners perspective. You
are a beginner. If you can accept the vunurabiluty you will be fine.

23. Learn to enjoy the process of learning rather than the result of
what is to be learned. Learning is supposed to be fun. To better
yourself.

24. teach others every great thing you've learned immediately. You
learn faster as opposed to being taught many times.

25. Never whine, bitch, or complain. EVER. Never criticize or condemn.
It's about you. Not what's going on around you.

26. Objectify your demons so that you control them rather than them
controlling you. A demon is something that comes up on you and
controls you. A bad emotion. Witness the bad emotion and cut it off.
Learn about it. And how to control it. Disassociate.

27. Become selfish so you can become generous. Make yourself important
first. You are your own #1 priority.

28. Surround yourself with success models while ELIMINATING failure
models. Failure models are holding you back. Spend less time or get
them at their best if you cannot get rid of them.

29. Keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn't. Ask how people
learned something. Keep track of the things you learn when it works.

30. Maintain composure. Be successful emotionally. Physically.
Financially. Never let an emotion overcome you. When others freak out
become calmer.

31. Prove to yourself over and over that you can deal with
"rejection". Rejection doesn't have to affect your life.

32. Learn to sacrifice short term gratification for long term success.
Stratigically do it. Don't do something for a year if it means to get
something else. If it means preventing yourself from dating or going
to bars or expensive games you could focus on what matters.

33. Learn how to always enjoy yourself no matter what's happening
around you. You are responsible for generating your own concept of
reality. You can control it. You are responsible for it. Joy is
possible at ANY time.

34. Value yourself and your time more than any woman. Have respect for
yourself. Never degrade yourself.

35. Develope your awareness. Focus on the now. What's going on in your
body and around you.

36. Learn to control your emotions. Emotions are chemicals. Addictive
chemicals. Addictive drugs so to speak. Take responsibility for your
emotions. Don't be out of control with emotions. People will push your
buttons trying to control your emotions.

37. Become unbelievably honest, authentic, and blunt when it's time to
be direct. The more you are. The more respect and attraction you will
get. Never sugar coat it. Be straight. Put them in Their place. Tell
them what they are doing wrong.

38. Learn to identify social status by communication and body language
instantly. Talk to all high status people. Become high status so you
don't get blown off.

39. Become an expert on your own self-deception habits. Self deception
is such a freakshow is that it covers it's own tracks. When you notice
yourself deceiving yourself. Catch it.

40. Balance learning. Practicing. And doing.

41. Constantly improve yourself. Optimize. Flex. Find ways to do
things faster and more productive. You can always Improve.

42. Stop projecting your strengths and weaknesses on to others. Make a
list of people you hate and their characteristics and the people you
admire and their characteristics. You are lookin into a mirror.

43. Eliminate distructive habits and replace them with habits that
help your life. The older the habit. The harder to change.

44. Recognize when you are losing control of yourself and stop. Just
stop. Don't judge or talk negatively. Or victimize yourself. And just
stop. Spend some time alone. Meditate. Chill out.

45. Make your territory yours. Find a home base to rejuvinate at. If
anyone is doing something you don't like in your space. Just say "hold
on right now, I don't like what you are doing right now and I'd
appreciate it if you just left."

46. Lead. Find people who have potential and help them achieve what
they want.

47. Stop idealizing women. She doesn't own a halo. She has flaws. Know
who she really is. Don't get attached.

48. Stop idealizing relationships. It won't fix everything.

49. Let her problems be her problems. Healthy personal boundries. You
both can mature on your own. You have your own path. If it's her
drama. She created that. She needs to solve it. It's her maturing
process.

50. Don't try to control her by supporting her or giving her money.
Don't be a wallet.

51. Stop trying to impress women. Don't spend more money than you have
to. Stop trying to sound smart and charming. It doesn't impress them
at all. Don't let them change who you are.

52. As you learn. Pay careful attention to every detail of your
personal hygiene, dress, style, posture, voice tone. Until it has
reached the level of "unconscious competence". Pay attention to
details of you.

53. Eliminate every nervous tick. Gesture. Facial expression and
unconscious response to challenges with women. Maintain first eye
contact with beautiful women. YOU! come here! I've been looking for
you for awhile! DO NOT look away. Ask women if you do things you
aren't aware of.

54. Make yourself into the most interesting person a woman has ever
met. You are lucky to be a man. Women use signs of fertility. That
goes away. Men can never stop being interesting. How to be
interesting. Look out into the world. What do the masses love. What
things are people so attracted to. Find the magnets and talk about
what they talk about.

55. Set up your life so you are automatically meeting beautiful
successful women all the time. Find women you like spending time with.

56. Behave as if you have 100 women calling you everyday. Act as if
you are busy.

57. Don't be boring or predictable. Don't communicate this. If they
can guess what you are about to do. You are doing it wrong. Alway have
something interesting going on. Don't tell them where they are going.
Women would rather go to a place they don't like than a place they
have been before.

58. Learn how to tell an interesting story about anything. Interesting
stories have structures you can learn. Think movies. A protagonist.
Set it up like a movie pattern.

59. Learn how to use cocky comedy. Arrogance with humor. Sassy. Fun.
Flirtatious. Things that would make her jaw drop and playfully hit
you. Too cocky is insecure. Too funny is goofy and immature.

60. Make friends with attractive women by being the guy women like to
be around. Make friends with the kinds of women you'd one day like to
have. Women can sence if you're a guy who likes women. Don't be
resentful for women. Be a woman friendly guy.

61. Learn how turn a woman on emotionally, mentally and physically.
Ask women what they think about when they masturbate.

62. Learn the entire mating process of humans in detail. Eye contact
to sex. Whole spectrum.

63. Learn to read situations before acting or communicating.

64. Tease. In every way. Tease psychologically mentally and
physically. Turns them on. Cocky comedy. They like it? Stop. Build
anticipation.

65. Be honest. Ethical and authentic with women. Always. If you are
looking at her tits and she asks what you are doing: YOU TELL HER YOU
ARE LOOKING AT HER TITS. if she pushes them up for you to notice. Tell
them you are noticing. Staring at a woman. She asks what you are
doing. Hold your hand up. I'm not done yet.

66. Set a boundary as soon as possible. She touches you. Just look at
her hand. Say don't touch me. If she does something unacceptable tell
her not to do that anymore.

67. Look past the content to see the true meaning of what's going on.
All angles of who someone is as a person.

68. Engage her body and emotions. Not her mind. Not at first. Never be
logical. Not interesting. Be fun and adventurous.

69. Turn everything into an adventure. Take them to run errands.
Grocery shop. DMV. Buy shoes.

70. Convince yourself that what's about to happen is going to be
unbelievably fun. Then convince her of it. Everything is a fun
adventure.

71. Always act and communicate in a way that leaves her wanting to do
feel and see more. Mid conversation leave on a good note. At it's
highest.

72. When you hit a challenge or a setback. Go back to the basics.
Don't act out on desperation.

73. When you feel yourself losing power with a woman. Stop. Step back.
And have her come to you. If the relationship is about to end. End it
immediately. As soon as you see signs. Keep them around. Step back.
Wait til she comes to you. You can still be friends. I've learned it
the hard way. This will be easy to remember.

74. Have at least 3 female friends that are like the girls you want to
meet. Always have 3 around.

75. When you find something she REALLY likes. Stop. Pull back. And
make her really want it before you tease her with a little more.

76. Learn how to make conversations interesting FOR THE WOMAN. Listen
to what conversations women have with eachother. Learn that kind of
talk.

77. Learn what it means to be a "Renaissance Man" and become one.
Renaissance was a time in history when cultivations happened.
Cultivate interests in everything.

Random Stand-Up Jokes

Do to recent videos I have seen with Carlos Menstealia's Jokes. (South Park, which is a GRRREAT way to tell someone they've fucked up) I figure from time to time I am going to Put my jokes in here for legal purposes. That and videos. I am thinking about making yet another new website, yes I know I change my websites like I change my hair styles. HEY! (writes that one down) sweet.

Most of these are observations and VERY VERY rough draft, as I am now making them up from the spot from the notes in my iPhone. I'll go quotes from my phone then write some foolery for it. Aaaahhh, comedy at its roots. Keep in mind most of this stuff isn't probably going to be funny, but like everything you gotta start with a piece of coal and work it down to the diamonds.


--------------------------------------------------------------------


1. "Nick Shows; Legends of the hidden temple, double dare - mom always finding flag in nose. NEVER finds it. Or in the pizza. Are you afraid of the dark. Everyone loves this show. Pete and Pete. Nick at Night, Taxi, Lucy, dude... WONDER YEARS! Nick jr. Little bear, fuck little bear. can't even say house right. Says hoose. And his dad always fishes. Franklin. The only animal in that cartoon with an actual name."

a. You know writing stand-up requires a lot of obscure thinking. Taking things from your life and putting them in real world situations to have people relate to them. I'm at the ripe old age of 21, and what do I know? Well what does every 21 year old know? TV. Video Games. Drinking. Smoking Pot. Getting in trouble with the law. Which sometimes ties into sex. I'm lying by the way, it ALWAYS ties into sex. Yeah baby, that's right, I got arrested. "Oh my god he's such a bad boy!" Remember when you were little? When everything was just so innocent? Watching Nickelodeon, when shows were still good. rockos modern life, that show ROCKED! Legends of the hidden temple, BLUE BARRACUDAS FOR LIFE! I always wanted to be in that gameshow. That and Double Dare, ohhh we all remember double dare. Physical challenge baby, physical challenge. And the thing at the end where the mom always had to pick the flag out of the nose but she could NEVER find the damn flag, the dad is there next to the giant pizza going CMON LADY! WE NEED TO GET THAT BRAND NEW 1996 WALKMAN FOR HIKING! We could be on nick arcade jumping over snakes!

b. OOOHHH I would have DOMINATED that game. All the kids pissed me off soooo much, Always failing. screw going out playing football I was inside all day playing goldeneye!!! That's right, we all remember that one level. Where you have to spin around pressing the C buttons to get back in the vent and just camp there with proximity mines. That was very selective, but it doesn't matter there are at least... 2 people that know what i'm talking about, that jokes for us. Video games are fun but what's that thing you don't get when you play them too much... um... OH YEAH! women! I was on facebook recently and.. I don't normally like to talk about facebook cuz that's just another nerdy thing to talk about.. HAHAHA FARMVILLE YEAH! (frown and flip off random location) Well my girlfriend showed me this facebook group, It's called 'treat your woman like you'd treat your xbox'. Any of you women agree with this? A man should treat a woman as well as he treats his xbox? My first thought was 'are you really serious!?' You want me to play with you with 3 other guys at the same time? Then I thought she already does make a lot of noise and overheats too much anyway. Then she got her red ring of death, its fine I was under that 3 month warranty so I just replaced her with a new one.


2. "Christmas, company survey, t-shirt, dating, sex, survey, tshirt. order pictures like amusement park rides. pose. Oral sex is degrading because of putting their hand on your head. WOAH WOAH WOAH MISSY! I can't even do this anymore..."

a. Women are strange creatures man, anyone ever date a british girl? I mean the 'ELLO POPPET!' type of women. NONE of those women like to go down on a guy, they say its too degrading or something, probably why all of em are single, no I know that can't be true because have any of you guys ever SLEPT with a girl like that? With the thick accent. I don't recommend it. Try to get the job done with her constantly saying 'oh! 'arder! 'arder! oh you making me so 'ot 'n 'eavy!' (throw down stool) alright get the fuck outta my house I can't do this... Head is degrading you don't see us complaining! I asked a girl once she told me 'its because guys put themselves in a place of power when they grab on to my hair' please, you have any guy go down on you if you put your hand on their head and pull their hair there is NO way in hell they're gonna go "WOAH WOAH WOAH MISSY! That's degrading you know what I can't even do this anymore"

b. The company I work for recently gave a survey out. They said if you fill out the survey, mail it in, we'll give you this free T-Shirt for participating... okay, oooh, a t-shirt. You can't just bribe me with a t-shirt okay? What a way to advertise yourself though, walk around with your company logo on there. What a way to get women too, you sleep with a girl. "Okay now that that's over I want you to complete a survey, just mark how well all the sexual positions were 1 to 10, we'll give you a t-shirt." there's a t-shirt of just my picture (thumbs up mouth open smiling). What a way to advertise, COME ON DOWN! SLEEP WITH MARK! Making commercials and shit, like some amusement park ride "must be this tall to ride" ...."and this skinny too" pretty soon lines start forming out of my bedroom, and after its over you can look at your picture of you during the ride, women just posing. BEST RIDE EVER!


3. "Weed commercials; Dog commercial, pot commercial. Forgetting is drunk not high. Drawing on a girls face."

a. Where the hell do I come up with this stuff? ... Anyone else here really high? It's cool it's cool I got a card! I don't know what you're doing with your life, this is great. Everything is just funny, I never understood all these stupid shows until I got high and watched them, after that it was just like "ooohhhhh, THAT'S why this exists." The only thing greater than the shows is the commercials, have you ever seen the anti-weed commercials? Obviously these people have NO clue what they're talking about, they touch on EVERY drug except for pot. These are actual commercial by the way, one has a girl on the phone "no way, really? I did that with him, I don't remember, I was SO high." Let me ask you a question, in the history of weed, has it EVER contributed to memory loss? ............... Let me rephrase the question. Seriously though nobody has ever smoked so much they forget the ENTIRE night and just slept with a guy, not if its only weed. That is what alcohol does you dumb asses. There's another commercial too, oh this ones the show stopper. It shows a girl coming home from school, she's high obviously cuz she's going through the refrigerator, probably looking for the ice cream sandwiches or about to make a casadilla, we've all been there, but I digress. While she's looking for the munchies this dog talks to her, let me repeat that, the dog TALKS to her. going through the refrigerator all of a sudden "hey Lindsay?" She looks hella fast, probably thinking "...what the hell was that?" she sees this dog "I wish you didn't smoke weed, you're not the same when you smoke, and I miss my best friend... I'll be outside." then the dog just goes away. I don't know about you, but if my dog was TALKING to me? I think I would raise some questions. First one is what the hell did this guy put in my weed!? dog comes back "hey Lindsay... I noticed you were making casadillas can I have some?" They put some stupid stuff on the TV man...


4. "Infomercials; People before product is announced are retards. impossible to do mundane tasks like fold a blanket or boil water or walk. Item is always something you want and is always $19.95"

a. You guys watch infomercials right? They all start out the same, it always has some old lady or old guy folding a blanket all idiotic "oh I cant match up the corners!" Or struggling lifting up some pot like its 200 lbs but there's barely any water in it. Have you seen the one for the snuggie? the backwards robe? it shows the woman in the beginning just struggling with this small ass blanket trying to keep it on, why don't you just buy a bigger blanket? or a robe? That's why they made a robe, you ARE SELLING A BACKWARDS ROBE! Do you want to look like an idiot in front of all your friends? buy the snuggie! You'll never have friends again! Idiots. And everything in infomercials always cost the same, $19.95! But if you call now! we'll give you a bunch of useless shit! What if I don't call now? that's how they get ya! You see the timer on some of these commercials, like the offer is going to end or something.

b. Ever see the commercials for KGB? Text 542 542 and we'll google something for you behind your back and force you to pay us $2!


5. "Badminton is tennis for pussies"

a. I have no joke for that I would just like to announce it.


6. "Heavy metal bands. Pussy talk. Believe in yourself. Don't drink and drive. Love your parents. Always use a condom."

a. I just need to tell you that all people who have mustaches aren't pedophiles... but all pedophiles have mustaches. Google it. Speaking of pedophiles I was on myspace the other day. I've wanted to do stand-up comedy since I was a little tyke. It's all the love of entertaining people and that's why I do it. If it wasn't stand-up it was being the lead singer in a band. The applause is awesome. I don't want to be like some of these new bands that come out, I searched myspace for bands recently and all of the bands pretty much wanted me to do screamo. I don't do screamo because i'm not... oh.. what's the word... a pussy! Have you seen these bands? They try to act all hard but the moshpits look like a bunch of emo kids trying to swim. And after each song they say something to good moral values, "I JUST WANNA SAY THAT SONG WAS DEDICATED TO YOU! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! LOVE YOUR PARENTS! ALWAYS USE A CONDOM!" All the emo kids "YEAH! I CUT MYSELF!" "MOMMY NEVER LOVED ME DADDY LOVED ME TOO MUCH!" must have had a mustache.

b. So I tried the whole singing thing for awhile, and as you know you need influences so I looked at all my influences, who I sound like etc. And I started thinking, you know, all these bands have something to them. They all have something you remember them by, red hot chili peppers have that thing with the 't-i-o-n' at the end of every sentence. califooooornia-cay-shyeawn! a yoga instructor? perfect for meditaaay-shyeawn! A hopeless romantic? gave you a red car-nayyyy-SHYEAWN! What if he was a cop? Liscence and registraaaaay-shyeawn!

c. how do we all remember ozzie osbourne? We've seen him in movies, he's had his own show. It's weird how well he sings but when he talks you can't even understand him. Just goes around mumbling all the time, well I guess sylvester stalone does that too, and arnold shwartzenegger, and screw it even keanu reeves sometimes just walks around going "chyea, chyea" Could you imagine ozzie trying to do day to day things? Like going through a drive through? "Welcome to McDonalds, sir, can I take your order?" (mumbles) "I'm sorry sir, what?" (mumbles, ugh, SHARON!) "Oh just sing your order, ozzie!"

I'D LIKE SOME CHICKEN!
WITH A LITTLE SIDE OF FRIES!
GIVE ME A MILK SHAKE!
AND CAN YOU MAKE IT SUPERSIIIIIZED!?

"will that be all sir?" (mumbles, extra napkins please)


7. "Putting extra large shirt stickers on your pants near the crotch."

a. I have no joke for this either I would just like to say I have done this and its funny to me.

----------------------------------------------------------


Sounds good enough! Like I said all this was on the spot while I was writing. Comedy at its barest form, I can whittle these down and get the bare meaning, practice timing and such, it'll be awesome. I figure I might as well have some place to put these things before Carlos Menstealia strikes again!

PEACE OUT!